what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
