I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
