just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Vodka?
Forever.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm always down for nudity.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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