I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
