Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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