I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
