I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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