I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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