I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
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So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
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We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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