I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
