Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
And the cops told us we were all naked.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This baby is an asshole
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize