i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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