Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
