i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
