our cab driver is having phone sex.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
This toilet bowl is my home.
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