If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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