I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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