When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
