I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
