I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
