Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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