Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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