my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
