I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
