If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I currently don't understand fingers.
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