I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
two words: eviction party
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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