if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
