Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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