how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
