He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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