I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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