i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
