I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
