Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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