im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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