my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
