I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
