Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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