the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
