it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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