He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
