I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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