so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
