If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize