I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
