I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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