Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
