i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
