Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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