So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
