im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
