You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
