I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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