Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
