he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
