so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm too high and old for this...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
