Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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