Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
