Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
