She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
In America we eat man semen.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
