Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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