Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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