M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
