I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
