planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
