Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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