too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
