we're blogging at a bar
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
