ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
