im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
