i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I need a beard to bite.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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