I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
How's work?
Spinning.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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