Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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