its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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