You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
