Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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