:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
