Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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