A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
