I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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