Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
