hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I am available for nakedness
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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