I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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