well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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