cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
